Starting a Single Moms Ministry

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Statistics support that we have a large number of single mothers in our churches.  Whether single by circumstance or choice, they need the support of a church family that rallies around them… and a community of others single mothers too.  Sometimes, it helps to talk to someone who isn’t just there to help or offer advice, but who understand what you are going through because they have or are currently walking that path too.

Currently, we do not have a writer for the Women’s Ministry Council site that is a single mother.  We dare not pretend to know all of the answers.  While we begin looking for a person to contribute their unique voice on a regular basis, here are some resources you can start looking through.

Single Moms Ministry Start Up Guide

Do’s and Don’ts of Ministering to Single Mothers

Single Parent Ministry Ideas

Starting a Single Mom Ministry

Presenting the Idea of a Single Mom Ministry

5 Ways Your Church Can Serve Single Moms

 

 

 

July Leadership Calendar

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We have our quarterly live Women’s Ministry Council training event on the last day of June, it is all about serving our single sisters.  Therefore, we wanted to get the July Leadership Calendar up ahead of time.  You may notice we’ve adjusted the formatting a bit.  Hopefully this will eliminate future technical issues like we had in June.  Let us know what you think of the new format, and our entries for each day. 

You might also notice July 29-31 are missing.  Don’t worry!  We didn’t forget these 3 important days of the month.  The August 2018 calendar will be posted at the end of July and will include the 29-31 and all of August.  

Have a great weekend, and watch for the recap of Saturday’s training event to be posted on Monday and Wednesday of next week.

SOCIAL MEDIA DRAWING WINNERS:

Your book and a little extra gift have shipped.  Keep an eye out for your package!

Singled Out

Serving Our Single Sisters

In preparation for our June 30 training event, our team has been speaking with single women to get their perspective on how we can better serve them.  A common response was that the women desired to be seen but not singled out.  In other words, notice us but don’t put the spot light on us.  It’s a fine balance between recognizing the various women in the church or community and lumping them all into neatly labeled boxes.  Too much attention is not always welcomed, or a good thing.

Over all, it appeared the women didn’t want to see a “Single Women’s Ministry” created under the banner of the Women’s Ministry.  No desire for events to be launched that were solely marketed to the single women.  They didn’t want to wear the scarlet letter “S” for single on their lapel.  They also wanted to limit the assumptions made that because they were single it meant they had all the time in the world to volunteer, or had the desire to volunteer within the children’s ministry.  Please don’t assume that their singleness is something they dread, when there are those who embrace it.

So, we march that fine line between seeing the women and recognizing their needs but meeting those needs without the fanfare and hoopla.  We don’t need a “Single Women’s Table” at our next brunch, where we portion off those women into a neat little section.  Yet, offering up a Small Group for Single Women becomes an option from the variety of studies you will offer.  They can choose to join that group, but may elect another because the topic is more suited for her.  In this, we have given them and option and we are also not putting them on display.  

Overall, the general consensus was that the women who are single want to be treated just like everyone else.  If you would send a meal over to the house of the flu stricken mom of three, send a meal over to the house of the single gal too.  Drop her a birthday card in the mail, invite her to lunch, invite her to sit with you on Sunday morning. 

Her singleness does not define her, or her gifts.  She is a daughter of the King, just like you.

Single Sisters: In An Idea World

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In an ideal world, serving our single sisters would be easy.  But this is not an ideal world, this is a fallen world.  And, so we struggle in our own lives and we can struggle to serve others well.  As ministry leaders, we need to take this bull by the horns and become the catalysts in our churches and communities to champion for these women.

There are times, as married women, we look back on our single days … before marriage and children… as if we had all the freedom in the world.  We remember it, like the picture above.  Dashing off with our girl friends on another adventure, giggling away, without a care in the world.  We forget that we too had to work, we too had sorrows, our adventures were outnumbered by the mundane.  We may not have had our own kids to watch, but we may have been babysitting our siblings.  We were working off hours because the married women or parents took the shifts during the school hours.  

If we are honest, being single probably wasn’t as amazing as we remember it was.  We forget that even in our singleness we had sorrow, that we may have felt alone, that there were times when life was hard.  I’m watching a single friend go through the ringer right now.  Everyone else in her life seems to have it all together.  Marriages.  Children.  Amazing jobs.  She’s feeling the weight of expectations on her shoulder, and wondering if any of that is every going to be in her future.  She plugs away each day, and sometimes… she shares that the beam of hope for something different is getting dimmer.

She shares that she’s tired of eating out alone or ordering in take out, because cooking for one is not easy.  She shares the heartbreak of being invited to another bridal shower, wedding, baby shower, and family party.  She doesn’t want to answer any more questions about who she is dating, or when she wants to start a family.

Even for those who choose to be single, and embrace it as a gift, are hammered with expectations.  Since they are not tied down, it is assumed they have nothing better to do than work more, work holidays, volunteer more, serve more, etc.  People don’t understand why they don’t have enough money to travel more, go out on more girls nights out, or shop as if they have no budget.  

In an ideal world, it would be easier.  But it’s not an idea world, it’s a fallen world.  

In one of our first pieces on the topic, we suggested that the first thing we can do to serve our single sisters better is to see them.  By recognizing who they are, we make sure these women are feeling noticed, loved and cared for.

The second thing we can do to serve our single sisters better, is to stop assuming and start listening.  We can not default onto our own memories of how wonderful the single life was and use that to create a menu of opportunities to serve these women.  Instead, we need to engage them in conversation and get a pulse on what is happening in their world and lives.  If we listen, we learn.  When we learn, we know how to serve. 

Having a single woman serving on your ministry team is a good way to start the conversation.  

Single Sisters, A Confession

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Single Sisters, A Confession – By Gena McCown

When my husband and I got married, we were one of the first among our groups of friends.  Life didn’t change much for us at that point, but then once our daughter was born things changed quickly.  Our friends would call to invite us out, but that wasn’t always possible.  In fact, more often than not, the answer was no.  In the earliest days, I was just too tired from having a newborn.  Eventually it was for no better reason than last minute excursions required large amounts of preparation.  We had to find a sitter, pack up our daughter, drop her off, then of course pick her home, before returning home.  Being completely honest, it wasn’t often worth the work.  We wanted to see our friends, but the effort to actually go out was more than we were willing to give.  Couple this with going from a dual income family of two, to a single income family of three… and our budget wasn’t really as free as it once was either. 

Here’s the confession part…

For years, I never understood why my single friends didn’t “get it”.  We understood that they didn’t fully understand what it takes to get a family ready for a night out.  I just wondered how many times would I have to tell them that we needed more notice before that would stick.  Eventually, after enough of our answering “no”… they just stopped asking.  That wasn’t what we wanted, but it is what we got.  Yet, I had never once considered what our change in life meant to our friends.  They had lost a relationship with us, and frankly we let it go too easily.  We could have done a better job of nurturing that relationship.  And for that failure on our part, I’m truly sorry.

Looking back on those days, there is a lot we could have done.  We could have been the ones to make plans, in advance, instead of waiting for their call.  We could have countered an invite for a night on the town, with dinner at our house or coffee later in the evening.  We could have intentionally made the effort to engage with our friends more regularly.  I was too busy trying to figure out what they were not understanding about our new lives, that I was not able to see that I was dropping the ball too.  Maybe I figured they’d be joining the ranks soon enough and we’d raise our kids together.  But, the way it turned out was that most of our friends had just begun starting their marriages and families as we were on the end of the story.  I have friends who have  their oldest kids starting preschool this year, while my oldest is in college.

What I have learned over these years, to my regret, what that I failed to recognize and value those friendships in the way I should of.  So caught up in my own world of change, I was unable to see that their world changed too.  It also kept me from noticing their struggles in singleness.  I have friends who are still waiting for their Boaz.  So, what does this have to do with Women’s Ministry?  Everything.

In book after book, conference after conference, study after study, and speaker after speaker… we’ve heard these words:

Our first ministry is to our husband and children.

So, we build up a Women’s Ministry robust with studies on being a better wife, becoming better mothers, dealing with the stress of marriage and parenting.  We volunteer, have collection drives, or donate money to causes that champion mothers and children.  We make meals for our new moms, moms who have a child in hospital, wives who have a husband in the hospital, and women who are newly widowed.  We have MOPS groups, and volunteer at VBS, then eventually we graduating to volunteering with the teen girls at youth.  

But, guess what?  Not all of our women are wives.  Not all of our women are mothers.  They still matter, greatly.

The single women (without children) of your congregation are not interested in a speaker talking about intimacy in marriage… when she is still waiting.  Nor is she interested in the latest potty training trends, or how to get your child to stop sleeping in your bed.  She does not want to make a chore chart or a cute framed dry erase board for planning out meals.  And, for the most part, she’s not interested in a class on couponing or making your own homemade laundry soap to save money.  She also may not be interested in the “Young Adult” or “Singles Group” at your church if she feels like it is just a bunch of fishermen trying to snag a fish on a hook.

We have created Women’s Ministries around the idea that the majority of our women are married with children, and this focus has caused us to overlook our Single Sisters.  Just as I was caught up in my own life and needs, I neglected to value my single friends… as ministries we can get so caught up in creating programs and events that meet our needs that we neglect the needs of our single women.

What do our Single Sisters (without children) need:

She needs sisterhood.  She is looking for friends and companions.  She wants a few women that she can hang out with on a Friday night, or take a morning jog with.  She wants women in her corner that she can trust to support her, encourage her, and frankly just have fun with her.  

She needs investors.  She is looking for women that are going to speak into her life, words of truth and wisdom.  Women who are willing to walk out faith with her, guide her, and hold her accountable.   She isn’t looking for just a teacher to spout words at her, but investors who are willing to take their time with her.

She needs strength.  Some women embrace singleness, and for others it is a struggle.  If she struggles with singleness, she is going to need your strength to hold her up during those times.  Your strength to hold her accountable when temptation comes her way.  Your strength when her judgment is blinded.  Your strength when a relationship doesn’t work out, or doesn’t happen at all.

She needs Jesus.  Just like the other women in the church, your Single Sisters need opportunities to dig deep in the Word… in away that is not focused on marriage and children, and instead focused on Christ.  She needs to be reminded that her worth is not tied up in how great of a wife she is, how wonderful of a mother, or having Proverbs 31 thrown at her every waking hour.  She needs to know that she is made in God’s image.  That she is valuable and worthy, strong and capable, a daughter and inheritor, and that she is commissioned to His great works.

There are a few things she does not need.

Unless she asks for it, she does not need to be set up on blind dates with your neighbor’s son or college buddy.  She doesn’t need your pity, sympathy, or made to feel less than because she is “still single”.  She doesn’t need to field questions about finding Mr. Right, when there will be a wedding, or if she wants to ever start a family.  She doesn’t need to you to prod her with questions about past relationships to analyze what went wrong or what she could have done differently.  And, she doesn’t need lessons on how to land a good man.  

She needs women who will help her find value and confidence in herself, helping her to view herself the way God sees her. 

As Women’s Ministry leaders we need to be encouraging our Single Sisters to join our leadership team and help us expand our Women’s Ministry to be inclusive and considerate of our Single Sisters.  As we open our eyes and see that these women are part of the mosaic that makes up the sisterhood of believers, we become more intentional about the space we create for them in our community.  

Serving Our Single Sisters

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If you ask someone about the Singles in their church, they will often categorize them into two groups.  First are the Single Mothers, second are the Single Young Adults (college age, early twenties).  However, the Single Sisters in our church are a much broader group.

If I asked you to dig deeper, you might even expand that definition to include women who are over eighteen years of age, women who are single moms that were never married or those who are divorced, and then women in general who are divorced.

But what if I asked you to dig deeper than that?

What about our women who have never been married and are in their forties, fifties, or later in age?

What about our women who are widows?  

What if I asked you to consider our military wives, who are technically married but while their husbands are deployed they are raising their family on their own?

Or, have you considered your married women (mothers) who have husbands who are incarcerated, or in a long term rehab facility?

Our Single Sisters are the ones who are walking a journey without a partner.  Some by choice.  Some by circumstance.  They are the women who are happy and secure in their singleness, and the women who desire a partner and family.

How are we caring for our Single Sisters?  Over the next several weeks we are going to be leaning into this topic on a deeper level.  On June 30th, we will have a local Women’s Ministry Council training event with a special guest speaker on Serving Our Single Sisters.  This meeting will take place in the Treasure Coast, FL area.  Afterwards, we will wrap up this series in the first week of July.

As we begin, we ask you to examine who are the Single Sisters in your church.  Identifying them means that you are seeing them, and that is the first step in serving these beautiful women in our care.

Connect with Us & Win!

 

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Social Media Giveaway! 

We want to make sure to connect with our readers and fans via our social media accounts. 

Why?

Because we share things on those accounts that don’t always make it to this site.  In order to promote these connections we decided to have a giveaway!  We are giving 3 copies of Authentic Intimacy’s Dr. Juli Slattery’s newest book “Rethinking Sexuality”, one per social media platform.  

How To Enter:

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Find the picture of the books on our Instagram Account.  Follow us, get 1 entry.  Give the picture a “heart”, get 1 entry.  Comment on the picture with your ministry position, get 1 entry.  Repost the picture and tag it with @womensministrycouncil and @LeadHerConference, get 1 entry.

Entries are accepted through Thursday June 14th at 11:59pm EST.

Winner announced on Friday June 15th at 5pm EST.

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Head over and like our Facebook Page, get 1 entry.  Find the post about the giveaway & like it, get 1 entry.  Comment on the post, get 1 entry.  Share the post and make sure to tag @WomensMinistryCouncil and @LeadHerConference in the share, get 1 entry!  If you also like the LeadHer Conference Page, you get an additional entry.

Entries are accepted through Thursday June 14th at 11:59pm EST.

Winner announced on Friday June 15th at 5pm EST.

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Fly by our Twitter Page, and give us a follow, for 1 entry.  Comment on the tweet, get 1 entry.  Retweet it making sure to tag @WoMinCouncil and include the hashtag #LeadHer2018, and get 1 entry.

Entries are accepted through Thursday June 14th at 11:59pm EST.

Winner announced on Friday June 15th at 5pm EST.

As you can see, there are multiple ways you can win a copy of this great new book & resource for your ministry.